All Souls.

Two candles were lit as our observance with All Souls’ Day. Two candles that would send its smoke to nowhere, yet they say that it is symbolical.

The bibingka hardens as I told myself not to eat anymore. It was the masterpiece of our maid, and unexpectedly – the bibingka tastes great, though the absence of the latik (the brownish substance at the top of a typical bibingka) made me sick for minutes. At least, the maids did something great and productive – unlike their usual television habits, or their short job hours.

I just slept the whole day which should be allotted in visiting burial beds of long-lost relatives. Well, my father has his job today and I have no choice but to stay at home. All my kabarkadas were out of town: in Batangas, Mindoro, Pangasinan. While I indulge myself in playing Civilization III in my laptop, pumping blood and converting carbon dioxide to oxygen.

I am heartily sorry for not visiting my uncle who died last June with a bullet sticking to his skull. It was afternoon when my brother heard a gunshot at the streets of Obando; the crowd gathered around my uncle – hesitant to help with the fear that the killer might come back. My brother ran and helped my uncle fearlessly, hailed a tricycle and asked who the suspect is.

My uncle was dead-on-arrival at the hospital.

His last words was my brother’s name.

I wonder when and how my life will end. And if my life will end at the time being, what was it like? Is there a searing white-hot light, or my soul would be evacuated from my body and I’ll be teleported to the purgatory together with other souls? I am not afraid of death, but what I’m after is the after-life. Like the cockroach I killed a while ago, or like those dried leaves along the sidewalks. Like every living thing.

I’m just hungry.

~ by utakgago on November 1, 2006.