The Life of a Cracker.

In a turn-of-a-moment pace, gravity pulled my crackers made by the imbalanced force from my hand. It fell with a thin, crisp thud. The thick layers of peanut butter and jelly was squashed. My merienda was gone. Frustration came, I stayed for seconds staring at the worthless cracker: stained by the sordid floor. That was the last Sky Flakes, yet I let it slip away.

Yet I let it slip away.

Away from the endless bullshits. I want myself to detach my flippers from the watery surface of teenage life; a short-lived part of my day-to-day life. I want to be a turtle who would slowly trod the sandy beaches to rest, and would swim once again in the perilous waters; brave enough to swallow the rippling waves of fate.

Fate brought me somewhere. I once flew a kite who swayed and danced with the winds of fortune. I want to follow the laws of my fathers. One became a superb editor-in-chief of a university school paper, the other one wrote books of aeronautical engineering. I want to be like them; successful men of wisdom and words. Not like my father who became a pilot and a hopeless writer; keeping pieces of poetry inside his drawers. Camouflaged drawers filled with emotions and memories.

Memories; those black-and-white excerpts faded by time. Those pictures flashing in my mind as time goes by. It is October. High School will end four months from now. Still, I’ve been contemplating everything my life had. I enjoyed the strength of liquor and the spice of life. I have been through the darkest caves and the asphyxiating feeling of being drowned in smoke or in water. I’ve been through the hoops.

The confusing hoops of truth and fallacy by Religion. I have been waiting for the call of God and I am still having my faith on him; faith withered by rumors and by Dan Brown. Faith empowered by the Jesuit priest who gave me the greatest confession ever. Faith strengthened by my Dad’s rosary, faith smelted by temptations around me.

Me. I. Will my life be thrown away without any hesitation at all? Will I accomplish the laws of my fathers? Will I be the turtle who will assure things before walking a full step towards the rocky road of life? Will my life be the cracker I once held in my hands so tight but then – I lost track of it until it fell down? My life is filled with luxuries and riches – the sweetest part of life, and with bits of struggles and pains – bitterness. My life which is as bitter as peanut butter and as sweet as marmalade.

As for now, I have trust in myself.

~ by utakgago on October 17, 2006.