Bullets of Self-Destruction.
I blame myself for being a faker.
A faker of faith.
I always tell myself that I am a Catholic. I believe in God. I would always believe in his doctrines, morals, and I worship him more than any other Gods in this materialistic world. I’m convincing myself. But then, I suck at faith. I cannot grasp the truths of God. I have so much doubts, lots of unanswered questions. As what they say, the logic of faith is one of the toughest things in the world to contemplate with. It’s like you’re having this blindfold in your eyes and you use all your senses except vision!
I convince myself that I have a God because it’s so shameful that I don’t have any. I know, I have a God. I am a Catholic. I do not despise God for anything at all. I do not blame him for the miseries of millions of people. I am just confused with truth and fallacy. Am I to accept the religious facets of my so-called religion? Am I to convince myself that Mary conceived Jesus without sin, that there is a Truine God?
It is unlawful to question God’s existence or authenticity.
Maybe I am too irrational today.
I still believe in Him. Though, like a normal teenager – I still have questions. I could see the resemblance of growth and faith. The older we are, the more faith we acquire. Elders carry rosaries in everywhere they walk; while teens would have their IPods plugged in their ears.
Faith. Am I still having it in my biological personality? Boogsh.
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I’ve been suspended for a month from Glee Club since I (with other school paper staffers) failed to attend a Saturday mass. Yes, and we failed to attend because we’re not yet finished with the newspaper. We sacrificed Glee Club for PauliPrism. Watching the non-suspended Glee Club singing gloriously in front of my eyes sucks a lot. I should be there, but I’m not there. I’m here, stupidly insecure with them.
The hell I care. At least, I made the choice to finish the school paper’s layout.
Our section, St. Dominic – became the Champion of the 19th Annual Marian Songfest. (That contest was Last Friday, but since my mind was floating for the past days; I only mentioned it today) I am so thankful that our section won. Seniors dominated the Juniors as the three finalists were Senior sections. Yebbah.
It’s the semestral clearance day tomorrow. Next week’s our 2nd Periodic Exams, and in order to take the test; we need to fill in the blanks of the semestral clearance with signatures of different teachers. I am done with all the requirements except the Investigatory Project.
Fish fillet is great-tasting, coated with bread crumbs and all. The garlic sauce is damn great. What I hate here is the sauce since the garlic flavor sticks to my tongue! Thank God I’ve been brushing my mouth every night. Still, there’s a little hint of garlic left, and I dunno how to remove it.
I’m done with my USTET Application Form, and I’d be testing on November 17 in our school. I hope I’ll pass that exam.
Tomorrow’s Friday the 13th, and I definitely believe that tomorrow’s the day of mishaps and lost chances, and of unfortunate events. Much luck to me.
asking questions about faith is really tough… kasi napaka subjective… all we need is to just believe that there is a supreme being out there watching over us…
wow naman… cheers to your section… it seems that you’ve been focusing on your extra-curricular activities nowadays… don’t forget about your academics (parang tatay)… anyway, i’m glad that you’ve been doing well…
there are things that we need to sacrifice talaga in life…
i hate fish… and fish fillet even more…
friday the 13th… and i’m getting my classcards… whew… i hope my grades are great…
Sometimes I feel the same way, but then it’s actually our faith that keeps us strong sometimes. Haay I don’t know talaga..
nako. wag na gayahin si st. augustine na nagtanong nang nagtanong ng tungkol sa faith.. he ended up being a good doctor of the church..
good luck sa investigatory project mo!
cie dito na lang.. kasi di to ako comp lab..
Awww. It’s really hard when you question your faith, because you’re like questioning God. You are like doubting is existence in this world.
Think about this, if it weren’t for Him, you will not be here.
Haha! Yeah, listen to the guy who thinks about food everytime we pray the rosary.
Haaaay. Oh well, that’s life. It’ll pass, mehn.
Anyway, I already answered your question na. Check my blog, okay?
uh uh…i and my friends are non-believers. we disect the bible’s pretentions and hoaxes then we all agree that the bible is a great work of fiction (old testament) and well-sanitized stories (new testament).
if anything, what i like about jesus is the “leftist” in him. he surely knew how to question, exactly like what you are into now.
because of what he was, he was nailed to the cross. and what happened next was blah…blah…blah…
kakaiba skul nio, may semestral clearance pa!! para saan..but oh well, onting tiis na lng at gagraduate ka na din…
grabe ung glee club nio, well atleast natapos nio na din ung layout ng skul paper nio..
hehe
cge un lng
Faith, I won’t question anyone about it. It is undebatable topic. We do have questions about God, but those are remained unanswered. Things are too mysterious and we should leave it like that. Sometimes our innocence brings the answer closer to us.
catholic sa papel– yan lagi ang sinasabi ko pag tinatanong ako sa religion.
Somehow, the question of faith has left me out in the dark. Never really understood everything about it. Call me a non-believer, but I’m still confused. At least ikaw, nagpupunta pa sa church regularly. Ako hindi na kasi feeling ko pinaplastic ko lang yung sarili ko. haha.. anggandang topic nito ah, makapagsulat nga tungkol dito! hehe
sana matanggal na yung suspension mo sa glee club! sana makita ko yung paper na ni-layout mo! sana magkaroon ng WORLD PEACE!!!
Nga pala, OCT13 na ngayon!! WAHU!!!
naku!!=P
when it comes to matters of faith, i really dont know what to say..ahehehehe.
tc.
hayz, faith? I really have some questions about God. And about those things that we do.. Ewan ko ba pero yung mga kabataan ngayon, ganun na yung iniisip. Unlike dati na, naniniwala talaga and religious talaga yung mga tao.
Katoliko ako pero parang hindi. ha-ha. I dont want to pray the rosary. I dont want to go to Church – pero it’s our tradition. Ewan ko..
But sometimes, I believe in Him..
my friday the 13th was a bit lucky at the morning, but when i arrived at home: a call destroyed my fucking evening. i was even imagining a great weekend spending my days with my bed… sleeping all day.
tapos biglang..
‘kevin – can you come at school at 8 pm? kailangan kasi ng layout artist para sa school paper.’
BOOGSH.
Now, I’m about to go to school. Kahit late at night na. So this post would be until tomorrow. Hay, daming pampasira ng araw.
PAKYU ang PRISM (our school paper’s nick)! bow.
juice knows BA! this may be the smallest world EVER. if that makes sense at all.
tama. pakyu ang prism. haha.
kanina, naisip ko na kung kailan ko pala ng term paper sa philo class ko, pwede kong patunayan na walang logical basis ang existence ni God.
naku. nagiging ateista na yata ko. buti na lang adik ako sa misa. at sa choir. XD
Ang lakas mo talagang mag trip!!! *kurot sa muka*
Sayo ko lang narinig ang ganitong pagdududa… Bat ka pa nag tatanong eh di mo rin alam ang isasagot. Ganun lang yun eh… may mga bagay talaga sa mundo na hinda na kailanang itanong at sagutin…
Pag malapit ka na matigok, dun lang lahat masasagot ang mga pagdududa mo o ang mga tanong mo.
Kawawa ka naman… masyado mong pinaparusahan ang sarili mo sa school work buti pa ako wala. HAHA! Joke lang! Kaya mo yan boy! Ho-Ho!
waw! silent nalang ako sa Faith… baka madaming masagasaan…
anyhooo goodluck sa iyong Ustet… hay nako, andali dali niyan! parang seatwork lang yan eh!
kapag nag-aral ka siguro sa Ust, lalakas faith mo… whaahha
continuation ba ‘to ng theology namin? lol. faith. basta dapat meron tayo nun. katoliko tayo eh. gift daw yan satin ni God nun bininyagan tayo. haha. sabi nga ng prof namin sa theo. haha.
Gudluck sa exam mo sa UST
wow..
bc.. bc.. bc..
about naman sa faith, ummm.. hirap magsalita eh, dahil minsan nararamdaman ko rin yan.. so many questions unanswered.. hay.. pero dont worry, i know time will come that God himself will tell you the answers..
tc!
Hey dude… musta na…
just passed by… wala ako oras magbasa at magbloghop ng blogs hahaha dame ko ginagawa… di na nga ren ako nakakaupdate eh….
kaya nga faith and not reason e, kasi you solely depend on what is said about the things that “doesn’t seem to make sense, but ’supossedly’ does.”
ayan, puro quotation marks para in general. haha.
hehe, sa tingin ko ang age at faith ay wlang qualifier para icompare sa isa’t isa, at least for this specific time. kasi ung mga matatanda ngayon nabuhay sa panahon na yun lang ang tinuturo sa kanila. so during their youth, malamang eh dasal lang din un.
plus, tingin ko eh hindi necessarily iisa ang growth at ageing..you know what i mean..
love my ‘degree’ of faith. sana ikaw din! haha, pag nagcollege ka na, mapapalapit ka ng sobra sa Kanya!!!!
I think you’re turning agnostic, Kevin. Im sure all intelligent people dabble into that. What happens next usually depends on upbringing and optimism. Those who were brought up in an ULTRA-CHRISTIAN family will likely learn to look over the inconsistencies of the concept of god and choose to continuously “believe” out of compulsion while those who are weaned from the trappings of the church (like I was) are likely to become atheist.
It’s tough to be atheist, but it’s better than believing in something that your brain couldn’t conceive to be extant.
Its really hard to search for truth when in the fisrt place its something beyond what we can think of. it really would seem unfair why believe in something my brain can’t grasp. but its about experiencing HIS love,,, its not about knowing Him. coz certainly we can never know God at all. He is a living God, you can talk with Him, make a devotion with him, by this you’ll understand Him. it only through building a relationship with someone that we get to know and understand a person, same is true with God, if you really want to kno Him, build a relationship with Him.